Glen Eades' column in the Magnolia Banner News:

December 7, 1990

Bubba Earl is Missing

   Billy Joe and I were sitting on the front porch Monday talking about the abundance of leaves in the yard, wondering why the hounds howl at the train whistle and why Bubba Earl disappeared without a trace.  We had started doing some serious talking about sweeping the leaves, until a fellow who thought he was a bill collector drove up and demanded to know where Bubba Earl was.  We told the man that our friend was on vacation.

   We heard news from Magnolia that Bubba Earl was laid off his new job, had eloped with a Tupperware woman, and was living in Fort Worth.  We also heard Bubba Earl got married, but we figured that was about as likely as him volunteering for an IRS audit.  Well, we figured he could be on honeymoon, anyway.

   We offered to loan our mule to the collector so he could ride to Bubba Earl’s trailer house on Dorcheat.  He refused our offer and said he was fixing to get the law to put Bubba Earl’s picture in every post office in the country.  When my cousin Billy Joe asked him for a job putting up pictures, the man used a combination of cuss words I never even heard on television before.  Then he sped back to the highway and drove toward Emerson.  And the leaves are still in the yard.

   Billy Joe and I rested this week – after a worrisome and busy weekend.  We hunted until we got enough meat for winter.  All we need is firewood, so we can stay inside and watch our shows and not have to go out looking for a job.  It looked so dreary outside over the weekend.  How could anyone be expected to work in weather like that?

   Our pickup has been so much trouble lately; jumper cables wouldn’t even help.  We took it to Emerson Automotive for a tune-up.  When our exhaust smoke cleared, James Earl said, “We’re talking a three-figure overhaul; a tune-up might not get you back home.”  Well, our credit rating wasn’t that many figures.

   My cousin Billy Joe blames crooked politicians and the savings and loan scandal for the recent trend in downward mobility.  But, he approached the problem like he would have if we were rich and owned a hundred junkyards.  He rounded up parts from several wrecking yards; and he found a 1991 tag and an inspection sticker, too.  At least, with the new tags and sticker, Mr. Ghengis Blue Lights won’t treat us like criminals anymore.  The pickup doesn’t smoke as bad; but it still loses water.  Billy Wayne thinks we should add some flour to the cornmeal in the radiator to slow the leaks.

   Mitch Mullins, the mayor’s dog, got well.  Mitch was on the critical list for two weeks after being hit by a car.  But after a trip to the vet – and TLC from his family – he snapped out of it and is reported to be visiting cats and dogs all over town again.

   Earlie Pearl, the best doctor in the state, worries about her son’s disappearance.  We told her not to worry about Bubba Earl and stay busy until he comes home.  She has been making her rounds and preventing the flu with her castor oil, honey and epsom salts treatment.  She gives a dose of honey and salts at 7 a.m. and castor oil at noon to work the bile out so the patient won’t get the flu.  It works and costs much less than a flu shot.  She went into preventative medicine after most cases of summer firetods were over.  She reported treating one case of measles.  She used boiled corn shuck water to bring the measles out so the patient could get well.  Anyone with knowledge about Bubba Earl’s whereabouts, please write to Mrs. Green at Walkerville, or write to me at 3730 Hwy. 79 S., Emerson, AR 71740.


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